Many studies about parenting styles have been conducted over the years, and researchers have concluded that in today’s psychology, there are four basic parenting styles. They are authoritarian, permissive, neglectful and authoritative. Understanding these parenting styles will help parents orient themselves to the most suitable methods to raise their children and help them develop healthily. Each family has the different situations and the relationship between parents and children so there is no particular rule for choosing a parenting method. If you have not known what style your parenting style is, take some time to read our article. In this article, we provide you with the most general information about the four primary types of parenting styles and give some ideas to help you identify yours.
Authoritarian parenting (strict parenting) is characterized by parents who have high expectations of the children. They set many strict rules for their children and expect them to follow unconditionally. Authoritarian parents limit open dialogue between child and parent and they impose their thoughts on their children. Authoritarian parents choose to rely on punishment instead of teaching a lesson or advising to demand obedience without any explanation.
Characteristics of authoritarian parents:
- Tend to be so demanding:
They set a lot of rules for their children. Some of them may micromanage many aspects of the behavior and life of the children. For example, they require children to follow the rules from home behavior to social interaction. Although they set the extreme rules like that, they rarely tell or guide their children clearly about them. They only form rules in their mind and children are required to know the existence of these rules. If their child does not meet the expectation, they will be punished severely.
- Never express warmth or nurturing:
These parents do not show kindness or nurturing to their children. They are aloof, cold and even harsh with their children. The habit of encouraging or praising the children does not appear in their lives. What they do is just yelling, nagging or even scolding. Discipline will take precedence over the joy of the children. The children of authoritarian parents will be expected to be seen, not heard.
- Utilize punishments without any explanation
Parents of this style often don’t give any justification for the penalties. It is merely that when their children break their rules or do not meet parents’ expectations, they will be punished. The punishments can be verbal abuse or scolding. They react harshly and swiftly when their practices are broken.
- Never give children change to show their options or make decisions
The children don’t have the right to negotiate or offer opinions, or choice for their lives. They can only follow things that have been pre-arranged.
- Have little or no patience for misbehavior
Parents of this style want their children to know better than to act the undesirable behaviors. They seem impatient for telling their children why they should avoid specific behaviors.
- Don’t trust the children
Authoritarian parents seldom believe the children to make right decisions. They think that their arrangement for the children is the best, so they don’t give any change for the children to give opinions, make decisions or raise some ideas. They decide all things for their children to ensure that there is no mistake made.
- Don’t allow to negotiate
The child cannot tell, give opinions or asks for any requirements. In general, they can only follow what their parents demand.
- Shame the children to ask them to behave
Authoritarian parents often make their children shame and use this to ask them to follow the rules they set. It is considered a perfect tactic to force their children to support the request unconditionally. They usually use sentences like “Why can’t you do the right thing?” or “How many times I need to tell you the same thing?”. Instead of promoting the confidence and self-esteem, they try to make their children embarrassed to motivate them to do better.
The children in a family of authoritarian parents tend to be more aggressive when outside, display embarrassment or fear with others, have lower self-esteem, meet difficulty in communicating, and even have depression. They will have the mind to associate obedience and success with love. Because they live in an environment that is always disciplined, these children lack self-discipline and independence. They cannot set personal standards and their limits.
How to identify the authoritarian parenting style:
- Do you have the strict rules which you believe need to be followed no matter what?
- Do you give your children the chance to make their own decisions about their life?
- Do you often give no explanation for the rules you set?
- Do you offer warmth and nurturing to your children?
- Do you find you utilize punishment to make your children follow your rules?
Applying authoritarian parenting style doesn’t relay have the negative impact on the development of children as the children may be better protected and less make mistakes. However, their interference in the lives of children is a bit overdone.
Permissive parenting is characterized by parents expect low demands and high responsiveness to their children. Permissive parents still offer some rules and guidelines, but they tend to so love. They usually play as a friend of their children rather than work as a parental figure. They also don’t expect the mature behavior from the children. These permissive parents will allow their children to do things they enjoy with certain rules. Of course, these rules are not harsh. They are just a standard for children not to be out of control. Their motto is to bring love and warmth to their children instead of trying to control them strictly.
The characteristics of permissive parents:
- Provide few standards and rules of behaviors
- Never offer strict regulations for the children
- Usually give warmth, loving and nurturing for the children
- Often, use gifts to motivate their children to obey
- Act like friends, not parents
- Seldom enforce the children any type of consequences
- Offer their children freedom to make decisions
However, permissive parenting brings many adverse effects to the development of children. This is considered an unhealthy parenting method. Many parents love permissive parenting because it gives a sense of fun and comfort to both children and parents. With the lenient, the role of parents in the development of children is unclear. According to a study published in the scientific Journal of Early Adolescence, children who live with permissive parents are three times more likely to involve in heavy alcohol use. This parenting style also leads to some adverse effects on children, such as lack of discipline, poor social skills, poor sharing, insecurity in the children because of lack of boundaries, self-centeredness, poor academic result from lack of motivation, clashing with authority, displaying low achievement in a variety of areas, showing less emotional understanding and more aggressive, and unable to manage their habits and time.
How to identify the permissive parenting style:
- Do you often set rules, standards or rules for your children?
- Do you often bribe your children with some gifts or promise with high demand?
- Do you ask your children to follow your rules harshly?
- Do you want to be a friend of your children rather than acting like parents?
- Do you avoid making conflict with your children?
If you are following a pampering parenting approach, you should have some tactics for your children not to be overwhelmed or fallen by your easy-going rules. This may be difficult at sometimes because you will have to apply some rules so that your child follows the trajectory, which makes them feel sad. However, this is necessary for your children to develop healthily.
- Build some basic household rules to guide your kids the way they are supposed to behave and show your expectation to them.
- Give some punishments if your children break the rules. Of course, the sentences are not strict and harsh. They just are applied to show your kids the consequence of breaking the rules.
- Reward good behavior of your children to motivate them keeping doing the right things.
- Always keep your eyes on the standards set for your children. This is a challenging task for permissive parents because they are used to pampering and compromising with their children. But in addition to being consistent and firm, you still have to provide love and warmth to your children so that they can see you love them too and the rules you set for them to help them better and not be mistaken.
If you tend to be permissive parents, make sure you have clear tactics for your children to help them grow healthy and happy without going in the wrong directions. You have to balance the rules and compromise and give your kids the necessary to succeed in the future. If you feel daunting to set the responses and boundaries, seek the help from the licensed expert or therapist.
Neglectful parenting or uninvolved parenting is characterized by parents who have the lack of caring and responsiveness to the children’s need. These parents often have less caring in the needs of their children or even they can dismiss or completely neglect their children. Except providing food and shelter, they do not offer any additional support for children such as love, warmth, interest or sharing of necessities for children. Some parents may set some of the basic limits for their kids. However, most of them neglect entirely or reject the children outright.
The parents who follow neglectful parenting style may be raised by uninvolved parents, and when they have children, they continue to repeat this style to nurture their kids. Some other neglectful parents are too busy with their work, relationships, and needs, so they have no time to care about the children. There are some cases where parents experience some health problems (depression, substance abuse, etc.), and financial issues so they cannot afford to care for their children.
Characteristics of neglectful parents:
- Have emotional distance from their kids
- Show little love, affection, and warmth towards their kids
- Offer little or even no supervision to their children
- Rarely have demands or expectations for behaviors of their kids
- May not want to expose to their children or talk with them
- Don’t care about the school events or academic result of their children
- Have little free time to concern about their children
- Have too many works to deal with
How to identify the neglectful parenting:
- Do you take care of your kid’s needs such as physical, emotional, and otherwise?
- Do you often talk with your children, sharing experiences with them and teach them how to behave?
- Do you understand what happens in the life of your kids?
- Do you often talk with your children, sharing experiences with them and teach them how to behave?
- Do you explain for unpromising or less caring for your kids?
- Do you know the teachers, friends of your kids?
- Do you often leave your kids alone or away from home for long periods of time?
- Do you care for outside activities of your children?
This style of raising children has terrible consequences for the development of children’s emotions. Children with uninvolved parents usually tend to be closed, fear or stress due to the lack of support from parents, face the high risk of substance abuse and a decrease in awareness, social skills, and emotional skills. These children are at high risk of making mistakes or being fallen because they are not guided and oriented to the right things. They also have difficulty expressing emotions and connecting with friends and people in the society. However, these children will be more mature than their peers because they have to take care of everything for themselves still young and very independent.
If you realize you are neglectful parents, adjust your habits and methods of parenting. This is pressing and necessary to protect your children and help them grow well. However, you may experience some initial difficulties as you will break your child’s life. Your children may get used to living along and taking care of themselves. If you fear your child cannot adopt this change, consult expert advice.
Authoritative parenting or democratic is considered to be the most effective parenting method and is conducive to the development of children. This parenting style gives children a healthy environment to develop and nurture the relationship between parents and their children. Parents following this parenting style usually encourage their children to work independently. Authoritative parents also set goals and demands for their children to motivate them. Besides, they are also very patient and understanding. Instead of using punishments when the children miss the expectation, authoritative parents will look at their children’s conditions, listen to their children and find ways to support them. They act as a friend, a teacher, and their parents. Of course, they also offer the discipline for the kids when they have bad behaviors. They provide love and warmth and also are very strict while educating their children. Authoritative parents act as the role models for their children and exhibit the behaviors they expect from the children.
Characteristics of authoritative parents:
- Place reasonable expectations, demands, consequences, and limits on the children’s behavior.
- Encourage the independence of the kids
- Listen to the children.
- Provide love, warmth and nurturing
- Allow the children to express ideas and opinions
- Give the children the chance to explain and make decisions
- Offer consistent and fair discipline
How to identify the authoritative parenting:
- Do you punish or discipline your children when they do something wrong or miss your demands?
- Do you set rules for some habits of your children?
- Do your children know what your expectations?
- Do you give the hope for your children based on their real conditions?
- Do you share feeling, experiences, and tutorials with your children?
- Do you often talk to your children openly?
The children who are nurtured by authoritative parents will be more happy, capable and prosperous. They are both emotionally and physically well-developed, always confident due to family support, optimistic as they are encouraged by parents, have lots of friends, and have excellent communication and good social skills.
However, authoritative parenting style is not useful if your child has some problems with consciousness or awareness. In these cases, you should adjust your parenting or seek help from the expert or psychologist.
We have brought the most general information on four primary parenting styles and provided some suggestions for you to find out what style you have. The information is understandable and necessary for parents to choose the suitable educating methods for the children. All content provided is for informational and educational purposes. We recommend you consult a healthcare professional to determine which method is appropriate to you.
This guest post is by Emily Pham, a blogger with many years of experience in searching the best natural and effective remedies for health and beauty issues.