Kids have no filter. That is something that has to be taught. Unfortunately, when you parent with sarcasm and one of your children has autism, teaching your kids when and where to filter themselves can be difficult. No one knows that better than me and to prove it, here is some of the actual shit that my kids say…
And often with an audience.
My 4yr old yells across the meat department, “Get the long wieners. The longer wieners are always better!”
“Mom, mom, look at that dumb fuck! Look at that giant dumb fuck!!!!! Do you see the dumb fuck, mom?” Dump truck, people. She was saying dump truck.
“My mom says she drinks coffee so she doesn’t kill us.” Yes, this is what my 10 year old tells the Starbucks barista.
“You keep saying that you’re tire because you have kids. I think you’re actually tired because you were born in the 1900’s.”
Me: “You look beautiful, honey!”
4yr old: “You look beautiful too, mommy!……sometimes”
“Mom, what is fake and bake? Is that like when Shelby pretends to make us cookies?”
“That’s a very nice shirt you’re wearing today, mom. You look very hulkish!”
Me: “If you don’t get in here, your ass is grass!”
4yr old: “It’s not grass! It’s skin, mom! GOD!”
“Would this be considered vintage or classical?” My 10 year old asking me about the lyrical stylings of Usher and Lil Jon.