I said it.
My kids are assholes and it might be my fault.
Well, because I’m an asshole.
I just can’t figure out where I sit.
I parent with some sarcasm…
Ok, I parent with a lot of sarcasm!
Unfortunately, this has rubbed off on my children.
Don’t let their sweet faces and charming dispositions fool you…
Behind those bright eyes and quirky smiles are sarcastic assholes waiting to emerge.
Proof that my kids are assholes:
1. My son is just as blunt as me and will say whatever is on his mind.
Example: “Mom, when I grow up, I’m only going to have pop every once in a while so I don’t get fat like you.” -said in public, at Taco Bell, while I was filling his “special occasion” rootbeer. My son also have NO volume control, so yes, everyone at Taco Bell heard it.
2. My daughter is stubborn and does what she wants.
Example: “Shelby, do not throw things at mommy.” -said multiple times while she hurls things through the living-room.
3. My son is extremely hypocritical.
Example: “Don’t touch my toys! Those are mine!” – said to his sister while he is playing with her toys.
4. My daughter is a master manipulator.
Example: “Do not jump on your brother!”
“I’m not jumping on him, I’m jumping OVER him!” -said as she jumps over him and makes sure to hit him in the head as she flies past.
5. My children are backstabbers.
Example: “My mom called me in sick, but she was really just too tired to bring me.” -said by my son at his OT appointment the week after I called him in. “Mommy gave me an extra cookie and told me not to tell you!” -said by my daughter to her brother, right after I told her not to.
Now, the fact that they are assholes, doesn’t make me love them any less.
In fact, I couldn’t love them any less if I tried.
This is also just more proof that my kids become more like me everyday!