There, I said it. It’s right there in the title. I’m the mom that can’t do “Mommy Me Time”!
I just can’t do it. I don’t understand it. I mean, I understand the concept of “me time”. Stepping out, by yourself, to do something for yourself. Taking a moment for yourself. Treating yourself and all that. Mommy Me Time is the exact same thing, except you are a mom, aka you have kids.
When you have Mommy Me Time, you are supposed to leave the Mommy part behind and then, it just becomes Me Time. I know, I know, it’s like a god damn math problem, but stay with me. You leave the Mommy part behind and just enjoy you. The person you are when you are not a mommy. This is where I get lost and I feel like I am back in high school Algebra, staring at a problem that I will never be able to solve.
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I have been a mommy for 12 years. I also happen to be a special needs parent, which means I wear my mom hat times 3,000! I don’t understand how to leave the mommy part behind. I am on the mom-clock 24 hours a day, 365 days a year and I don’t know how to clock out. In fact, I haven’t seen my timecard in over a decade.
I am not who I was 13 years ago and I am not who I was 6 1/2 years ago. I am a wife and mommy, I really don’t have any other personas. I can’t just leave it behind and be the person I am without, because I have no idea who I am without.
“Well, aren’t your kids in school now? You should have some time to find yourself.”
Yes, my kids are in school now. However, my mom-brain is still at work while they are gone. I am attached to my phone, because with special needs children come random, unexpected phone-calls from the school. I really have to be ready to go at a moments notice. My mom-brain is also running the house. Who needs laundry washed? What groceries do we need? Where is the other shoe? Whose book fair is when? What doctor appointment do I need to make? My mind is constantly running, constantly stressing, constantly worrying. From the time I wake up to the time I fall asleep.
Yes, I go and do things alone.
On Saturdays, I go to Target and grocery shop by myself and, I often treat myself to a coffee. However, my mind is still on my family and my family is still on my mind. Every once in a while, I’ll go get my haircut or get my nails done and yes, it feels good to get myself groomed, but again, my mind is always on my family.
So, how do I turn it off or mute it?
How do I do “Mommy Me Time”?
How do I turn it into Me Time?
I know I need it.
I just need to figure out how to do it!
Can anyone explain it to me?