From the moment our children are born, we try. We try parenting them the best way that we can. We try to give them what they need and what they want, while instilling decent morals and values. We try as hard as we can to stop our children from becoming “THAT kid”, but what happens when YOUR kid becomes THAT kid?
My sweet, intelligent baby boy has become “THAT kid”. The child who can’t regulate his emotions. The child who can’t think before he acts. The child who screams and swears. The child who escalated in his behaviors as he got older. That kid who began to lash out physically. That kid who started scaring people. That child who got shuffled from program to program and from therapy to therapy, because no one can handle him. That child who has been removed from regular school and will, now, be attending a school for kids with behavioral issues.
That’s right, my kid is “THAT kid”.
My kid became “THAT kid” and I couldn’t stop it.
I tried. I tried as hard as I could to give him the tools that he needed. The tools that I thought he needed, to successfully navigate life with high functioning autism. I tried.
I did everything they told me to do. Therapies, medications, coping skills, consequences, rewards, special schedules, special classes, special rules, but it all failed. I failed. We all failed my son.
This is what happens when YOUR kid becomes THAT kid:
- You blame yourself, because, who else is there to blame?
- You blame the doctors, the therapists and the schools. I mean, they get paid to handle this shit, right?!
- You feel guilty for blaming them, because how could they know.
- You feel scared. Scared that your child is going to hurt someone else or himself.
- You feel terrible, thinking that your child is in so much pain, but can’t express it.
- You feel like you failed. Everything you tried failed. Nothing worked. You must have done something wrong.
- You fall apart. Your world crumbles and you ask yourself why you are still trying.
- You get up.
- You realize that you are still trying, because THAT kid is YOUR kid and you would move mountains for him.
- You dust yourself off, or try to anyway, and re-analyze what you’ve been doing.
- You make new plans and come up with new strategies, because you refuse to surrender to this.
- You do whatever you have to do for your child.