Remember when I told you that my kids are assholes? I wasn’t kidding. My kids are, indeed, assholes. They are narcissistic, sarcastic, unrelenting assholes and I have more examples to prove it!
“He’s touching me!”
“She’s in my spot!”
“I don’t want to!”
These are mild. If this was all I had to deal with, I wouldn’t need as much coffee. I also wouldn’t think about selling them on the black market as often.
However, my kids are assholes. No, they really are. So, I have to deal with a lot more.
My son is like a miniature Kanye West, with a lot less money, a lot less power and no fan base. (Well, I can’t be certain about that last one)
He thinks he is better than everyone else. He blames everyone else for his problems. If he gets in trouble, he responds with the ultimate level of negativity and he’s mean.
He gets sent to his room for having a bad attitude. I go into his room and ask, “Do you know why you got sent to your room?” His response? “Yes, because I am the worst kid on Earth.”
He truly believes that he is the smartest child in the world, even though he is corrected on things daily.
When he is corrected on things, he becomes sullen and acts like, well an asshole. It’s his way or the highway.
When he is disciplined…
He throws himself on the floor where he proceeds to cry and scream things like, “Don’t beat me!”, “Don’t hurt me!”, “You’re killing me!” “I am the worst person EVER!”.
Yes, this happens in public.
Once we get home and he has finished hyperventilating, I am always like:
I can’t justify sugar-coating my responses with him. Therefore, I respond as sarcastically as possible.
That is probably why my son THINKS he is the king of sarcasm, even though he never uses it correctly or at the proper time!
I can’t even begin to explain how he is with his sister, as that is a whole other post. However, everything is ALL her fault and being a big brother is a curse, not a blessing!
My daughter is like Dennis the Menace combined with the cast of Mean Girls. Seriously, she will run through the house like a miniature tornado, hurt your feelings all day long and look cute as hell while she does it!
If you tell her no, she will ignore you. If you tell her no again, in a stricter tone, she will cry, run into her room, slam the door and then come out of her room 30 seconds later and ask, “Can I come out now?”.
Yesterday, she was chasing our puppy around with a hammer. A HAMMER! This was her reaction when I took the hammer away.
She quite often assumes that she is the boss and everyone needs to listen to her.
She thinks that she can do whatever she wants and then, still get what ever she wants. For instance, she got in trouble for throwing things at me. Two minutes later, she walked up to me and was like:
And when I said no, she responded like this:
To which I responded with:
Yeah, I really don’t have the time or the patience for the attitude and whining. I also don’t have enough coffee or Valium.
In essence, I love my kids. I don’t always like my kids and I often dream of selling them to the highest bidder, but I do love them. Asshole tendencies and all.