I was reading blog posts and was immediately struck by Tamara’s post today about who she would like to see in the mirror. It really resonated with me, so I decided to answer the “Finish The Sentence Friday” question myself. What do you see when you look in the mirror?
Looking the mirror and seeing myself has always been an issue for me. I have never been happy with what I see and I don’t feel like I ever see what I am supposed to see.
When I look in the mirror I see blame.
I blame myself for anything and everything that is going on in my life. I always have and I always will. I mean, what other explanation could there be?
When I look in the mirror I see hate.
I hate myself. Yes, I said it. I have a genuine hatred for myself. My mind, my body, my face, my thoughts, I hate it all.
When I look in the mirror I see failure.
I am failing everyone and everything. Nothing I do works out and it seems like I am constantly pulling others down with me.
When I look in the mirror I see nothing.
I feel like nothing right now. My head, my heart, myself. It’s all broken and faded away.
When I look in the mirror I see struggle.
I struggle everyday. I struggle to make it through. I struggle to keep my cool. I struggle to parent. I struggle with myself. I struggle with life.
I know that what I see in the mirror is much different from what others see, but this is about what I see. Everyday, I question my self-worth. Everyday, I question if I am doing anything right. Everyday, I struggle with myself.
Now, here is my question: How do you learn to see what others see?
How do you put your own, demonized self-image aside and see something else? This is something that I still haven’t figured out how to do. Someday, I hope that I can.