Every couple who’s been married for a while experiences it at some point: there are times when the spark just seems to be gone. In fact, many people are dismayed to find that what used to be a spark is more of a fizzle during certain periods. It’s natural for us to decrease the amount of time we dedicate to romance and intimacy after we’ve been together for a while.
However, when this feeling disappears entirely, it can leave both parties in the relationship with a great deal of frustration, and may even threaten the existence of the marriage! What’s good to know is that it doesn’t spell inevitable doom, and it’s certainly not a sign that your relationship is over. With a little effort, you can keep the spark alive and reconnect with your partner. Here are some tips to support a healthy spark in your marriage…
Focus on what is beautiful about your partner
Pay attention to what it is that you love about your partner. Remember that you married them for a reason! Oftentimes, people have a tendency to start to take their significant other for granted after a few years, and can begin to get complacent in their relationship. Sex was never something that was made better by complacency, so why let it creep into your relationship? Never take your partner for granted, and take time to specifically recognize all the things that you love about them. Even write them down daily, if you must! And remember, physical intimacy between you and someone you love should never be solely physical, so remember the other elements that go into your relationship.
Have healthy views of sex, in general
Generally, to have a healthy sex life, you need to have a healthy view of sex. This much should seem obvious, but strange feelings about sex get in the way of healthy relationships for plenty of people. Having deep-seated shame about sex or treating it as some sort of commodity is almost certainly going to lead to issues with intimacy and put up a wall between you and the person you want to feel closest to.
However, if you do have these issues, don’t despair and give up. Indeed, there can often be underlying mental health issues at the heart of these mindsets. And there are plenty of skilled marriage counselors, therapists, and all sorts of certified individuals who can help with these sorts of issues.
Make the bedroom an intimate place
Far too often today, electronics pervade the bedroom and dig into the time that couples spend together. Have you ever found yourself spending more time on screens while you’re in your bedroom than with your partner? To fix this, make a rule with your partner that the bed is for two things and two things only: sex and sleep. Get rid of any extra screens that you have in there, and put your phone away. Take the time to actually look your partner in the eye while you’re together, instead of distractedly checking your phone. Not only will this improve your sex life, but it will also help you develop better sleep habits.
Do something that makes you feel sexy
We often think that it’s the other person’s responsibility to make us feel sexy, and to put us in the mood, but the truth is that it starts with us and how we’re feeling about ourselves. Take time to do something that makes you feel great about yourself. Be ready to bring that energy to your partner. This might mean a bubble bath, some new clothes, or even going out dancing with your friends. For everyone it’s different, but reconnecting independently with those things that make you feel alive and excited can lead to connecting better to your spouse, too.
Start the romance early
We mentioned that complacency is an enemy of a healthy and happy relationship. Well, it’s easy to say that, but it really takes action to take that lesson to heart. Specifically, this means that intimacy between you and your partner shouldn’t be an isolated few minutes in the evening. Instead, consider the little things that you can do throughout the day that will build the anticipation. Plan out your time so that you won’t feel exhausted and already checked-out by evening. Prioritize foreplay. Start out with some flirty messages to put your partner in the mood, and then taking more meaningful actions as the day goes on. By the time you are both able to be in each other’s arms, you shouldn’t possibly be able to resist one another!