How do you better yourself, when it’s yourself that you don’t like?
I have been in a constant battle with my mental self for as long as I can remember and lately, it has been at a peak. I have been really unhappy, even though everything is technically great.
I have an awesome husband that I adore, 2 kids that are pretty ok, a new house, 2 great rescue dogs and a pretty fantastic life, so what the hell is up with me?
I have always had low self-esteem and when you combine that with depression, anxiety and a not so awesome childhood, it makes for a pretty epic villain back story. All I’m missing is a physical deformity that makes me stick out from other villains and with the way I have been battle my physical body lately, I am probably not very far off from that.
I keep telling my husband that “In my old age, I am just getting weak, crabby and hating people more and more”, and while people do suck, I think I am really self-loathing and it is the same self-loathing that I have fallen victim to my whole life.
If I am a superhero, I am also my own villain. If I am superwoman, I am my own Kryptonite.
I feel crippled by my own pain, depression, anxiety, frustration, stress and self-loathing. It is beginning to affect those around me almost as much as it affects me. More and more people are starting to notice the cracks in my mask. It’s just not holding up as well as it used to.