The fall is a difficult time for everyone. It’s as if the desolation in nature is mirrored in the desolation of the soul. A lot of people suffer from depression with the advent of the fall. It can have devastating effects on people and marriages. In the opinion of many psychologists, fall is one of the main reasons marriages break up. As people get more self-involved the darkness of the skies devolve into their homes and families.
All women have the maternal instinct in them. This is what makes them the glue that binds a family together. But just because you are a mother does not mean that you relinquish your position as a woman. While working at a marriage, which in itself is a full-time job, we must be able to face the truth and see things as they really are. To be able to tell your partner, and more importantly, to yourself, that you questions and be honest about it, is the first step. If a problem is too overwhelming, acknowledge it.
There are many ways of that you can help your marriage. Some couples read self-help books while others go to a marriage counselor. Some others attend seminars and read articles and yet others use the time-tested trial and error method. If you want to help your marriage, here are five useful tips that can help you on the way.
Understand What You Should Mend
To begin with, identify the problem that is the bone of contention between you and your partner. Find out if your partner really wants to make certain changes. Maybe he has had it on his mind to leave but has not been able to muster the courage to come out with it and have “the talk” with you. Talk it out with your partner and come to a compromise about what the problem really is. Going from there to fixing the problem will be easy for both parties involved.
Communication is crucial to solving marriage problems. In the hum drum of everyday lives, couples often forget to communicate with each other. Added to that is the fact in today’s world, there are a million other things to distract ourselves, namely, iPhones and Facebook. When you and your partner decide to have a heart to heart, eliminate all other distractions for a while and concentrate on what your partner is telling you. No matter how difficult it is to be honest, be honest. If you don’t like what your partner has to say about you, listen to the anyway. When both parties consciously take responsibility, then it is a conscious decision that is easier to make.
See a marriage counselor or a psycho therapist. Maybe your family therapist will be able to help you with psychological exercises that are most often used in therapy. This might help in rekindling the lost flame.
Understand the Problem
The minute a couple realizes that they need help with their marriage, they are half way through. Once you know you need help, go ahead and seek it. It may be from a professional therapist, or from your partner. Try to identify the weak link in your marriage. What is the one thing you fight about the most and what is the underlying cause for it? If you can find out what it is, you can eliminate the cause of the discord between you and your partner.
Many renowned psychologists have propounded theories that can save your marriage. Use a theory of your choice. It may work in spite of yourselves. The Choice theory, for example, is one of these. The Choice Theory is all about taking responsibility for your own actions. You can try and try to control your partner’s behavior but in the end you can only control your own behavior. Change yourself before you ask them to change themselves. Start with little changes and you can go on to the core of the problem. Do a training course and include your spouse in it, if you think it will work. You will find that following a guide is more helpful than groping in the dark, when it comes to saving marriages.
Start With Yourself
Instead of trying to change your partner, try and change yourself first. Once you stop doing the things you do that annoy your partner, they will stop reacting the way they do. Also, use more “I” messages than “You” messages. This will tell your partner that you want to take responsibility for your share of the problem. Being a self-sufficient individual always helps. Let go of your insecurities and fears and stop being emotionally dependent on your partner. You may be putting a lot of pressure on them without realizing it.
The Design Requirements
There are many psychological tactics to help you work on your marriage. One of the foremost is listing down what you like and what you dislike in your partner. Don’t use sarcasm while doing this and don’t make your partner feel guilty. Do it yourself and encourage your partner to participate. There are many psychological techniques to help save marriages. Here are some for your benefit.
- Gottman Method
This method is known to use counseling for couples to boost affection and respect for each other, for each other’s hopes and dreams and aspirations. Mutual respect and admiration bring couples closer together and cements a lifelong, committed relationship.
- Narrative Therapy
In this method you create the dynamics in problem solving. By externalizing the problem itself from the individual, it becomes easier to solve it.
- Positive Psychology
This method focuses on positive feelings and emotions and enjoying them as and when they happen.
It is a well-known fact the psychologists think that a hug every now and then prevents fights in marriages. Hug your partner more often, be the first to stop, an if possible, end conflicts with a hug or a kiss. Avoid name calling and shifting blame. Try these methods for how to save your marriage and it might just be the formula for a successful, loving marriage and a happily ever after for you and your partner.
Susy Richards is a lovely mother of 3 girls (3 years, 4 years and 5) and simple woman who is ready to share her priceless experience with other mommies around the world. She is an Advanced Practice Provider who passed birth doula and postpartum doula courses at Childbirth International in 2013. She is passionate about providing holistic care and is involved in pregnancy research. Susy enjoys trips to the beach with her husband Erick, and spending time with family and friends. 😉 She is a fresh mommy blogger and currently publishes her articles concerning pregnancy on site www.rocketparents.com