Confidence is a three syllable word that I have no trouble saying, but a lot of trouble displaying.
Confidence is something that everyone should have, but a lot of people have trouble finding it.
I am one of those people who have had trouble finding it.
I truly didn’t understand what confidence was until I entered my 30’s. Therefore, I didn’t even begin looking for it until then. I have always had low self-esteem and struggled to find my own self-worth. I am not going to dive deep into my past right now, but there were some very awful things that happened that really broke me down, devalued my self-worth and took away the confidence that I was born with.
Throughout school, I was always struggling to figure out who I was and where I belonged. I also put forward a very strong face and presence. People who knew me, but didn’t know me as well, may be shocked to find out that I was not as confident as I seemed. I used false confidence and faked strength as a barrier to protect the fragile little girl who was inside and outwardly, it worked. Well,for the most part anyway.
Now, in my 30’s, a wife to an AMAZING husband and a mother to two incredible children, I have realized that the false confidence that I have always hidden behind isn’t a barrier at all. In fact, it is an obstacle. A big obstacle that I am trying to overcome.
I have decided that 2016 will be the year that I focus on me and overcoming that false confidence, in order to find the real confidence inside.
I am seeing a psychiatrist and working on my mental self.
I am seeing a personal trainer and working on my physical self.
Yes, I am on anti-depressants, but I believe I need to be.
I am spending more time on me and, I have to say, it feels good. It feels damn good!
I am hoping to find more confidence in 2016 and to feel better about myself. If you have any advice or suggestions, I would love to hear them!