Today, I am featuring a guest post from Life Breath Present!
Without further ado, I’ll let her take the post!
I am truly amazed. Once just over a year ago, it was still pretty obvious Baby Boy was, well, a baby boy. Now, he’s steadily moving from looking like a Baby Boy to looking like a boy. A boy we created – Hun and I – with the awesome assistance of love, dedication, devotion, faith, prayer, grace, and (of course) the lead of our Higher Power. He’s now a boy that comes walking out to me, so determined, every morning as I work. He makes fussy noises and points, letting me know he wants held and he wants milk. He’s now a boy that will let me know when he does or doesn’t like something, whether it be food, play, or limits. He’s now a boy that will (sometimes) follow simple instructions, show affection, and help with tasks. He’s now a boy that knows when he’s up to something he shouldn’t and he gives me that smile; the smile of mischievousness and joy.
He’s now a boy that is (trying to) learn how to get his way. He’s so strong and he’s accomplishing new things nearly every day. I honestly and truthfully, have no idea how exactly my life became what it is today. I’m just so amazed at the life I have today, it truly is a blessing to have both Baby Boy and Hun. Sometimes I sit and watch Baby Boy or Hun, and I can do nothing but smile. I smile at the joy and the wonder these two beautiful guys have brought to my life. Sure, there are tough times (days even), but there really are more joyful times than not. I’m still figuring out who I am as a wife and mother. I’m constantly discovering my new self, as a woman who is a wife and a mother. I don’t yet know my destination, what could be marked as achievement of being a wife and mother.
Perhaps there is no true destination.Perhaps the only “destination” is in the everyday.
Not the every, every day, of “I’m so glad I made it through another day”, rather the destination of “I’ve another day full of moments that run the gamut of emotions”. You know, like the time I got frustrated because I wanted a few more minutes and Baby Boy wanted me right that second and there was no holding off. Or the time we sat on the floor and played, laughing and smiling. Or when I passed Baby Boy off to Hun, as soon as he walked in the door, because I needed a break. Or even the time I wanted to be inside were it was cooler and Baby Boy wanted to be outside, so we stayed outside. Or the time I was proud of Baby Boy for communicating with me without yelling or being fussy. Or the time I watched him play and my heart filled with a joy so abundant. Those are the moments which make up my day. And maybe, just maybe, those moments are the destination. Each and every time. Because, really, there’s never an ending to motherhood, to parenting. And, despite my not knowing even a quarter of what “there is to know” about parenting and motherhood, I know I’d change none of it. Nope, not even the tough times, because without them I know I wouldn’t know the happy and joyous times. And the lack of a destination in this journey of motherhood, I think is the essence of what it means to be a mother. So, even though sometimes I want to be done and to say “Yes, I did it! I made it to wherever”, I know that I don’t want any of it to end. I don’t actually want to be done.
I don’t want to have completed motherhood, I’d rather be on this roller-coaster of a ride through life as a mother.
Thank you so much for sharing with us, Life Breath Present!
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