It is time.
Time to unload.
Time to let loose.
Random Thoughts from the Mad Mommy!
Here we go:
1. I love Easter because I can buy giant bags of candy and people just assume that I am a good mom.
2. Kids and eating.. I know I talk about it a lot, but seriously.. “I LOVE Macaroni and Cheese, but not that kind!“. Are you kidding? No, you’re serious? Seriously? *face palm*
3. Why do toddlers dart towards the road? I swear, they have like a “deer instinct” to just run into the middle of the road. This is why some parents use leashes people. Don’t judge. I can’t take the panic anymore!
4. When you tell a kid to find something to do, why do they pick the most complicated shit? Like Perler beads! Yeah, cause I want to deal with my 8 yr old clutz, tiny beads and a hot iron everyday!
5. Why do magical creatures get all of the credit for the crap that we do? Why do we allow this? I spend 3 hours Easter shopping and finding “Surprise eggs”, they should be thanking me! Not some imaginary giant bunny!
6. Speaking of magical creatures… Why do they disappear when you become an adult? There should be new magical creatures! Like the Dishes Elf, the Laundry Fairy or the Luxury Spa Leprechaun!
7. Children are energy vampires! We spend all day trying to retain our energy and the whole time, our kids are just sucking it away! That is why they have so much. They steal it from us.
8. Chat speak. What the hell? Why has my 8 year old decided that using chat speak is “Hardcore!”? Ugh.
9. I need Super Nanny. Anyone know where she is?
10. Living with grandparents is like living under a candy store that spills M & Ms directly into my children’s mouths. Right before meals.
11. “Can we go outside?”
Get ready, go outside.
“There’s nothing to do.”
*parental eye roll*
12. Is it possible for kids to chew with their mouths closed?
13. Toddler tantrums. Is there anything worse?
14. Smart-ass 8 year old. Yup, trumps #13.
15. We spend our entire childhood avoiding naps and our entire adulthood trying to take them.
Bonus: Things that need to be invented.
Child-safe tranquilizer darts or Nap dust. They could be all natural. Organic even.
The Substitute Mom Hotline.
A sensor in the bathroom that reminds kids to flush and wash their hands.
Macaroni and Cheese that looks and tastes like Kraft, but covers all the necessary food groups.
Nasal Taser. Just gives them a gentle shock anytime they stick their finger in there. Like a static shock.
There you have it!
My random thoughts.
What’s been floating around in your mind lately?